I just applied to a job where I will be going out into the world again. I’ve been working from home during the whole pandemic which has been nice. But it’s not paying enough and I’m not getting the hours I need. As well as I have to be more vigilant regarding my taxes since they don’t take the taxes out for me.

This new job I possibly might get, I will be going out working eight hour shifts from 7 am to 3 pm Monday through Friday. For some people that’s great because that means you have the rest of the day to do stuff but for me..I’m not sure how long I will last because I always end up wanting to sleep later and later until I end up sleeping at five or six in the morning…. and then waking up at four in the afternoon... but maybe this will make me be better about that?… I don’t know… I’m not sure how I feel about working anywhere where I spend the majority of my day doing something I’d rather not be doing.

Work in general. Effort. It’s really hard for me. It’s probably a mixture of laziness, depression and anxiety. I feel like the more I try, the more I realize I’m not getting better or getting the results I want. So what’s the point? I’m not and never going to be the best. So why should I try?

Sorry this is depressing and super pessimistic but I needed to put these thoughts and feelings out there for me to process better I guess.

Maybe this job will make me live better though. Be more “responsible” and feel as though I have more of a purpose than sleeping, eating, gaming, and working occasionally.

Anyway, wish me luck!

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