Hello!

Happy Pride Month! It’s been a second! Some things have changed in my life. I started a new job; I started medication for the first time in my life for my depression and anxiety; and I have been doing keto for the past week now!

I know I said I was going to start it like… a month ago or so but I’m here to say I am doing it now! I’ve been snacking on some almonds, eating meats and loving the zucchini noodles as well as the cauliflower rice. It’s been really tasty! But also super time consuming since I have to make all the food myself instead of just ordering out like usual. Which has saved me quite a lot of money I suppose. I haven’t really felt the tiredness yet since I’m not having any carbs, but I’m sure it will come soon.

Ah, so as I said, I started a new job, a job at a school! It’s … terrifying? Fun? It’s an experience that’s been needed I think. I’m meeting “normal” people who have done this for years and they keep coming back to screaming children. So initially, I was kind of scared and nervous about the noise level and not being patient enough. But after a week of working, I see why it’s worth it, other than the kids being adorable (not in a creepy way), the kids are funny, smart, and they make you feel really cool when they call you over!

I have also realized that I am definitely not smarter than a fifth grader, they’re learning stuff and comprehending stuff I don’t think I ever learned. But a lot of them don’t have the confidence to answer or do the work. They need the motivation. I can completely understand that since I think I’ve lacked motivation almost all my life if not all my life. I’m hoping to make a difference in some way, make sure I let the right kids or all kids know that they’re not alone, they’re not dumb, and they got this. That’s all I wanted to hear as a kid too…

Right, also, I started medication! I finally went to go see a family doctor! I had been just going to the hospital if something was seriously hurting or not right. And I’m 25 now, almost 26, I’ve piled on a lot of issues that I should have gotten checked a long time ago. I’m going to be getting an allergy test, to know what I’m allergic to, I’m getting a smear pap? I don’t know how to spell that but I was supposed to get one when I turned 21…. so… yeah.

I let them know that I also have been passively suicidal for all my life. As in I don’t actively try or want to but sometimes I just really… don’t want to exist. So I got medicine! It’s day three on medicine and I don’t know if there’s really a difference? It’s a small dose. And I don’t know if my mind is trying to convince me it’s working or if it is working…

Woof. Sorry for the long post, but I saw that I was getting follows and likes on here, and thought it was about time for an update! I hope to start writing more and more on my journey into keto, into medication, and into working again outside of home.

Wish me luck and welcome to the Struggle Bus!

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