Story time. I don’t know who comes to look at my posts and what the age group is but, I just want to divulge a personal experience that has recently taken place.
This Father’s Day in 2022, my parents kicked me and my sister out.
To give some context, we had planned on meeting for dinner to celebrate Father’s Day and spend time with my dad. My sister and I don’t share the same dad but she makes an effort to include my dad in her schedule to see her own father as well as her boyfriend’s father.
We planned for 06:00 PM.
The day of, our mother called me at 05:30 PM to aggressively ask,
“Where are you? Why are you not here?”
Which to I responded with, “Didn’t we agree on six?” utter confusion hit me because she had not talked to me this way and acted this way in almost a decade, eight years to be exact.
“Well you could have come earlier to spend time and talk to your dad.”
So I responded with the fact that we did not plan that and if she wanted that she could have communicated that with me.
Before anybody says that I should have thought about this beforehand and that my mother was right because it was Father’s Day and I should have put him first; I work third shift. I got home around 07:00 AM and could not get to sleep until 10:00 AM due to lovely insomnia. I communicated this to her, then she proceeded to shut me down with,
“Just hurry up.”
Over the past decade, I had patiently and consistently tried to coach my mother on how to communicate well with love behind her words as well as her actions. So for her to revert back to this aggressive and toxic way of talking to me put me in shock.
On the way over to dinner, I was thinking about how I was going to approach talking to her about this interaction. I sent my sister a text to see if the reason behind her anger was that my sister showed up before me and they were waiting to eat because of me. Yet she had not arrived either but she was going to be there on time, in retrospect I should have warned her that our mom was behaving irrationally.
Ten minutes from the house my mother called me and yelled into the phone,
“You and [insert my partner’s name here] turn around and go home! I don’t want to have dinner with you and your sister tonight!”
Which I proceeded to get flustered and say, “Why? What happened? Why are you acting like this?”
She then hung up on me. Which she has not done in a while.
Hanging up abruptly used to be a recurring problem for my sister and me when our mom got angry at us over the phone. She would just hang up on us. I let her know that hanging up that way was not okay and that even though she was angry she needed to say, “I love you, bye”, because we do not know if that will be the last time we talk. She got way better at doing that so this interaction threw me for a loop.
Five minutes later, my sister called me explaining that our mother was acting insane. Our mom was yelling and telling her to get out. My sister refused to leave and started yelling back at our mom while on the phone, after a minute the phone disconnected.
I sighed. I was also hitting ALL of the stop lights on the way.
When I finally arrived I advised my partner to just stay in the car because this was going to be bad. I rushed inside, sure enough my sister and her boyfriend were standing in the kitchen, she was yelling at our mom who was standing in the living room. Our mom approached me telling me to leave. I tried to stay calm and just listen to the chaos unfolding in front of me.
My sister started bringing up past trauma, which later on she let me know that these memories had been festering and boiling over the past week leading up to this point. So our mother acting this way sent her over the edge and everything burst out of her.
I will not go into my sister’s trauma, but our mother does not like talking about the past, she does not like acknowledging the horrible things she had done and said to us. So when my sister continued to reveal all this unhealed trauma (that I had not even known about), our mother started going into this kind of frenzy, she called US monsters.
At one point my sister grabbed a water bottle and threw it on the kitchen floor, it burst and water went everywhere. Our mom was shocked, she started yelling,
“Oh my god, you are crazy, get out! Get out! Get out!”
She rushed over to her phone,
“I’m calling the cops! If you aren’t leaving I’m calling the cops!”
She started dialing, I froze, I did not know what to do. She ended up calling my dad instead desperately crying into the phone,
“[Insert my sister’s name here] is crazy! She threw a water bottle! There’s water everywhere! She’s going to kill me! Should I call the cops?!”
I laughed, I could only laugh.
Our mom rushed towards the front door, pleaded for us to leave, told us now that my dad was on the way everything was going to be crazy. (NOW it was going to be crazy?) I grabbed her by the wrists. I had never grabbed her in any way and that hard before. . .I was trying to make her look me in the eyes.
I yelled, “Do you want to do this?! You want this to happen?! You told me you didn’t want to stress me out, is this how you show me that?!”
She yelled back,
“I don’t want daughters like you!“
I let go. I walked out.
My sister walked out. Our mom shut the door.
My sister and I spent time in the front lawn. . in shock and in disbelief about what just transpired. . . We cried, we hugged, we ranted. And then my dad showed up.
At first, I thought he was taking the high road, he was being the bigger person, he got out of his car and didn’t even slam his door (He has a consistent history of anger issues so I was expecting immediate yelling and slamming).
He slowly and weakly said,
“I don’t feel good. Please just go home.”.
My sister and I agreed, we would go home. My sister had never seen how bad my dad’s temper tantrum could be so when he was limping and slowly walking up to the garage, she was worried about him and asked if he needed to go to the Emergency Room. I could already tell what was about to happen.
As soon as my dad got into the garage, he started yelling, cursing, throwing anything he could get his hands on. He grabbed a broom and was approaching my sister’s car. He proceeded to threaten us and told us to leave (again). My sister yelled out that we already agreed to leave and that he was a psychopath. He called her a bitch, then went on to threaten to kill us. . .
We got into our cars, our mom walked outside and grabbed the broom from my dad, making the same threats.
Sorry for such a long post. But if you stayed I appreciate you reading everything. I don’t expect anything but I just wanted to rant and vent.
I will put what I wrote down on paper here:
“I’m so sad.
I feel angry, depressed, stressed, panicked,
betrayed, shocked & disappointed.
You were supposed to be my mother.
My protector, my supporter,
my number one fan and admirer.
You were supposed to be the same for my sister.
Your other daughter.
We both came from you,
we both loved you.
But you abandoned her
time & time again,
then took your anger out on me
and probably my (biological) father.
I don’t even know my father.
But he left me as well. . .
and you chose to turn him away
when he asked to see me.
You chose to raise me, no that’s not right,
my sister raised me,
you chose to provide for me
while you were still scarred and hurting
when my father left us.
I will always be grateful for the good times.
The fun & sweet times.
The close times.
But now, they all feel like a setup.
All these memories & the financial support
feel like a lead up
to a traumatizing & terrible punch line
of a horrible joke.
One where you thought eventually
I would become this puppet,
the perfect daughter that would take care of you
when you got older,
when you’ve gone ahead and stopped talking to
or blocked all your ‘friends’
because they upset you in some way.
With my dad (step-dad)
you taught me to be hateful, spiteful, and angry.
You have to chase me now.
I will not run but you will never
be able to reach me again.
you were my hero.
You pulled me out of darkness,
gave me hope that I had a dad who wanted me. . .
Instead you got me out just to put me in a cage.
To yell at me when I didn’t live up
to your standards & expectations.
Yelling. Cursing. Throwing shit.
Ripping up my books.
Physically shoving me
when you didn’t even know
what was happening.
Always asking me, “What is wrong with you?”
The abrupt & violent temper tantrums
that were supposed to scare me
and put me in my place.
Now. . . finally the threat to kill
not only me but also my sister
who only ever included you
in her life as another father.
Oh how the trauma runs deep within you
and you leave it unaddressed
and blindly push us away.
Oh how I will not forgive you.
At least not anytime soon.
I will not be bribed or tricked anymore.
Not by the materialistic way
you try to show me you care and love me.
I hope the both of you
are content being alone
& angry at everybody else
instead of trying to understand
why you’ve lost everything.
We just wanted our parents.”.